Espada vs Barney?
by Crayola Emoticon
Summary: The most evil being appears! It's... Barney the Purple Dinosaur? WTF?
1. Szayel

Inspired by a nightmare I had recently. I do not own Bleach or any thing related.

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Szayel cackled as he prepared to mix the final solutions. Once the solutions were mixed, the most evil being would appear in his lab. He poured the liquids into a flask, above which formed a glowing, swirling portal. Out of the the portal stepped…

Barney the Purple Dinosaur?

Szayel facepalmed. An overgrown plushie from a toddler's show was the most evil being?

While Szayel wasn't paying attention, Barney came up behind him and ate him in three bites. Then he left the lab in search of other prey.

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Horrible, I know. This is only the first part. Be ready for chapters featuring the rest of the Espada.


	2. Tousen

I HAVE FINALLY COME DOWN FROM CONSTANT SUGAR HIGH! NOW I CAN FOCUS ON MY STORIES! 8D

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH. IF I DID I WOULD NOT BE WRITING FANFICTIONS, AND IT WOULDN'T BE AS AWESOME.

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Tousen grumbled to himself as he marched towards Szayel's room. The Octava Espada hadn't shown to the meeting, and Lord Aizen wanted to know why. So he sent Tousen, with Wonderwicce trailing behind him. As the approached Szayl's room, Wonderwicce stopped and cowered in terror. But Tousen, unable to see, kept going, walking straight into…

Barney.

Wonderwicce screamed in horror as Barney devoured Tousen, then turned his sights on him. The shrieks were soon replaced with squishy, crunchy, munching sounds.


	3. Aaroniero and Zommari

Third Chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anything related.

Aaroniero and Zommari were walking down a featureless corridor. Tousen had never come back from looking for Szayel, nor was there any sign of Wonderwicce, so Aizen had ordered his remaining Espada, and Gin, to search for the lot of them.

"I love you…"

Zommari looked sideways at Aaroniero. He'd always thought the Noveno was strange. He should get this done as soon as possible.

"You love me…"

This time Aaroniero glanced askance at Zommari. This was getting kinda weird.

"We are one big family…"

They leapt away from each other and pointed, yelling, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU SAYING!"

"With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you…"

With that, they realized that neither of them was singing.

"Won't you say you love me, too?"

They turned and saw a monster bearing down on them, its arms outstretched as though for a hug. Aaroniero and Zommari were never seen again.


	4. Nnoitra

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

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Nnoitra ambled down the hall. Several of the Espada had already disappeared, but he wasn't worried. It was all the better for him. His standing was sure to go up soon. He was so engrossed in his ambitious thoughts that he failed to notice to large, spoon-wielding blob lurking around a corner.

Nnoitra couldn't help but gawk in shock as an overgrown, mutated plushie leapt out in front of him. It smiled sweetly (creepily) and said, "I challenge you to a spoon duel!"

"I don't have a spoon…."

"Then what is that you're wearing?"

A vien stood out on Nnoitra's forehead, and he charged the purple dinosaur with a cry of rage.

Fifteen minutes later, Barney was using Nnoitra's bloodied spoon-hood thing as a parasol.

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	5. Barragan

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Or Barney

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Barragan was headed towards his room when he saw a purple monstrosity headed in his direction. That would have been fine, if it weren't for the bloody parasol that was obviously Nnoitra's spoon-thing.

"Halt, Villian!" Barragan shouted. (Yes, he's talking Shakespeare style because 1. I just got done reading a Shakespeare play and 2. He's a king.)

The… _Thing_ stopped and looked at him. Its jaws were red with blood and its eyes glinted with bloodlust as it gazed at him. Then, it charged at him. Barragan activated his Ressurecion, but the thing sent out some sort of gas.

"You cannot defeat me by making me age and rot. My power reverses yours, which will turn you into an infant."

And so Barragon was defeated and eaten.

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	6. Starrk and Harribel

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Barney

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Tia Harribel and her Fraccion were visiting Coyote Starrk and Lilynette. The Fraccion were playing (arguing and fighting) and Harribel was having a one-sided conversation with Starrk, who was sleeping on the couch. They were all interrupted by the appearance of…

Do I have to say it?…

Aizen.

Whoah. I wan't expecting that.

Anyways, Aizen entered the room and made his proclamation. "Several of our dear Espada (gag) have disappeared. It may be assumed that they are dead. Please be safe, use caution, and if you see a Shinigami or anything else suspicious, please do not engage. Simply return to your chambers and lock the doors."

With that, the hologram vanished.

What? You didn't realize it was a hologram? What else would it be if it walked in and talked like an emergency weather report?

After the Aizen-o-gram left, there was a stunned silence in the room, only broken by Starrk's sporadic snoring. After a moment, it was broken by something else.

There was a scream of "Super-Dee-Duper!" and a large purple blob crashed into the room. Before they could react, Barney swallowed them all in one gulp.

How could he be so large to do that, you ask? Why, from eating all those Espada. All the spiritual energy has been making him grow like crazy.

Back to the story. With a final yell of "Super-Dee-Duper!" Barney left the room to search the rest of Las Noches for prey.

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	7. Yammy

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Barney

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Yammy munched his way through several dozen hollows. Ulquiorra was visiting and insulting him, and wherever Ulquiorra went, Grimmjow followed, hoping for a fight.

Yammy picked up a largish, ugly purple thing and was about to bite into it when it bit him instead. Yammy screamed and Ulquiorra and Grimmjow watched in shock as the thing tore a chunk out of Yammy's hand. It took its time to carefully chew and swallow, then it stared at Yammy and advanced toward him. Yammy backed into a corner while Ulquiorra and Grimmjow made their escape.

Yammy shrieked and screamed as Barney ate him bit by bit. Running down the hallways, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow wished they were deaf so that they wouldn't have to listen.

Grimmjow glanced at Ulquiorra. "We gotta tell Aizen about this…"

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	8. Holy ST!

Hi! ^_^' Sorry for the long update. I had two projects to work on… *dies*

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Barney.

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Grimmjow and Ulquiorra ran into Aizen's room, out of breath and unnanounced. Aizen shrieked and scurried behind his throne as Gin sweatdropped.

"Aizen-sama! Barney the Purple Dinosaur has eaten everyone else! What do we do!" This was, of course, what Ulquiorra sounded like when he panicked.

All the blood drained from Aizen's face. When the others saw this, they knew the were doomed. The backed away, and at that moment, Barney came through the wall in a Kool-Aid Man imitation, complete with an obnoxious "Oh Yeah!" and swallowed Gin, Grimmjow, and Ulquiorra whole. He was only able to do this because they were too frightened and surprised to move.

Then Barney took off his headpiece, revealing …

Orochimaru, aka. Michael Jackson. (Yes, they scare me too.)

He approached Aizen, who was having flashbacks of his childhood. He had sold his soul to Barney/ Orochimaru/ MJ in exchange for power, and now he had come to collect the price.

And thus was the end of Las Noches.


	9. Epilougue

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, Barney, or SpongeBob.

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It was a peaceful day in Seireitei. Birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and a large garganta had opened up in the sky…

Wait. What?

Out of the portal came a giant yellow square in classic geek clothes, spewing forth lightning, lasers,and fire from its eyes and mouth. It laid waste to Seireitei, laughing all the while. Those who weren't killed quickly went insane from its horribly annoying laugh.

And thus was the end of seireitei.

END

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End file.
